Sometimes it is easy to believe in what you can’t see.
Other times, it seems impossible.
For the past six months or so, I’ve been walking through one of the most shadow-filled valleys of my life. The narrative I’d expected to play out was arrested by the choices of someone who I expected would love me for the rest of my life. In all honesty, it’s thrown me for a loop that I’m still trying to recover from in the day to day space of what my life is becoming.
The thing I’ve heard consistently in my times of seeking wisdom is “Be still and know that I am God”. It comes from Psalm 46 which, as I look at the full text, speaks deeply to my situation.
God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
A river brings joy to the city of our God, the sacred home of the Most High.
God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it.
The nations are in chaos, and their kingdoms crumble! God’s voice thunders, and the earth melts!
The LORD of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.
Come, see the glorious works of the LORD: See how He brings destruction upon the world.
He causes wars to end throughout the earth. He breaks the bow and snaps the spear; He burns the shields with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.”
The LORD of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress. (New Living Translation)
There have been times where I’ve been able to rest in the confidence that God is truly in the midst of my troubles…present while it feels like the mountains of my life are crumbling into the sea. There have been moments when I should have succumbed to the panic and chaos of a life that feels out of control, but I’ve been able to be still and know that God is in control.
The past couple of weeks, especially, I’ve felt a truly tangible sense of God’s sustaining presence in my life and in my home, and it has been humbling.
This weekend, however, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me all over again. I hate that I am so inconsistent with my confidence in God’s provision. He hasn’t changed and, yet, here I am: panicking instead of being still. Crawling along with what looks more like disbelief than faith.
With all my anxiety, I still know that God is my refuge and my help, always ready to help me in my time of trouble. His faithfulness isn’t diminished by my doubt. It isn’t weakened because I’m struggling with unbelief. He remains strong and in control and I am so grateful for that reality.
I don’t know where my journey is going to lead me. I know what I’m hoping and praying for, but I also know that I can’t force another person to change her heart. I do know, however, that God is faithful and I have no reason to be afraid. I just need to find a way to
be s t i l l
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that Your awesomeness doesn’t depend on whether or not I believe in it entirely. Your power doesn’t require my confidence or my complete lack of doubt. I am so grateful that You extend Your love and mercy to such a fallible and weak-minded person as me, wholly covering me in Your grace even though it’s the last thing I deserve. Please build in me a faith that can weather the rough waters of life’s circumstances, staying focused on Your greatness even when I feel overwhelmed by uncertainty. Thank You for being patient with me and calling me to a deeper trust in You.