I’m struck tonight by how little I am able to control the stuff of life.
I try and pretend that I have some measure of strength or courage…something that I bring to the table. I’m feeling now, though, that pretty much the only thing I can control is my response. How I react. Whether in anger and tears or in peace and faith.
That would be a pretty hopeless recognition if there wasn’t more to the story. The passage of Scripture on my mind tonight is Psalm 121:
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
I love this passage. It reminds me that I am not alone. That I haven’t been left to struggle in isolation. I have a Savior who loves me and provides for me and, ultimately, who rescues me.
There is a wonderful song based on this Scripture that Hope and I used to sing when we’d lead worship at church. I’ve listened to it and sung it several times in the past 8 or 9 months, reflecting on how much more in need of rescue I feel these days. It’s also the Scripture that my sister sent me in the days following my telling her that Hope had left. Again, a prefect reminder of God’s love and faithfulness.
The thing I’m realizing right now is that my definition of being rescued doesn’t, necessarily, match God’s definition. The Psalm says He will keep me from all harm but all I have to do is look around or feel my heart to know that the world – my world and yours – is full of harm. So, is God a liar? Of course not. He is the essence of Truth!
I guess I don’t have an answer that feels satisfying. I know that my response has to be faith, though. Faith that God is not slow in keeping His promises. Faith that, whether or not this story ends up with an ending that resembles my definition of happiness, He is watching over me and providing for me and loving me as the perfect Father who knows me better than I know myself.
Where does my help come from? It comes from the Maker of heaven and earth.