Today, I have been wondering about God’s will for me. His plan for today and tomorrow and the rest of my time on this earth. It isn’t a new curiosity or question, but every season of life brings new context and new angles to consider. I’m being reminded of how impatient I can be.
For so much of the past year and a half my will has been that my marriage be made whole and life return to normal. Lately, my will has been that I am able to move on to my newly, redefined framework of normalcy and happiness and wholeness…one that has different players than I expected. In both cases, my desired timeline falls into the ASAP category…or, more honestly, the RIGHT NOW! category. I’m the greedy child who wants his way immediately…not later.
The basic problem with this frame of mind, of course, is that I’m wanting to put my will ahead of God’s. My plan in place of His. My temporal answers above the eternal ones that I truly need. I want to gather all the loose ends of my life and wrap them up in a neat, palatable package that seems both satisfying and exciting.
But I’m not the one who holds everything together. I don’t have that kind of power.
I have been reading from the first chapter Colossians today. Paul gives an amazing list of the things he has been asking God for on behalf of the believers in Colossae.
9 And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. – Colossians 1:9-14, English Standard Version
Okay…without divulging the specific things I have been praying for – um, correction…the specific things I have been demanding – let me be honest and admit that Paul’s list is a whole lot more powerful than mine. His is the list that I should really be praying for because it is integrally connected to what I truly need.
I need the knowledge of God’s will. I need spiritual wisdom and understanding. I need to walk in a manner worthy of God and pleasing to Him. I want my life to bear fruit that glorifies the Lord. I want to be strengthened in His power, enduring hardships with patience and joy. And I want to live a life that reflects the transforming, redeeming love of the Savior.
Later in Colossians chapter 1, Paul writes that all things were created in and through Christ and that He…not I…holds everything together. He framed it all…He breathed it all into existence…and He holds all of those loose ends, all of those seemingly random angles together.
He holds everything together.
To be honest, I’m still feeling impatient. My flesh isn’t so easily fixed, it seems. I want the desires of my heart just as acutely right now as I did prior to reading this passage of Scripture. But I’m yearning to come into compliance with God’s will. Or, at least, I’m yearning to yearn… It’s a process.
I want hands to hold. I want lips to kiss. I want eyes to look into that look back at me with love. I want a heart to connect mine to for the rest of my life.
But, more than those wants, I need God’s will for my life.
Lord, please make Paul’s prayer my prayer. Help me to desire You above all things. Please be the place I fix my eyes…my Center…the substance of my longing.
Help me to know that You are all I need…and You’re holding me together with hands of infinite patience and love.