Almost five years ago, I woke up with this Scripture…with these words…echoing in my mind and spirit. It was one of those rare times when I actually sat down to do something with inspiration instead of merely acknowledging it and moving on. The song came several months after the end of my first marriage and, nearly, a couple of years before the beginning (and subsequent end) of my second. It came from a space of brokenness and defeat, but also from a place of recognition that my own strength will always fail and my only hope is in being connected to One who is greater.
I find myself in that space sometimes…and it would be easy for someone on the outside to mistake it for purposeful melancholy. But I don’t think it is. It’s me processing, reflecting, sorting, sizing up, reconnecting to priority and sound vision. It’s me taking stock of the good and the bad, the success and the failure, the beautiful and the broken…and laying it all at the throne of God.
Last year, I chose the word PEACE as my benchmark and goal and driving focus. Whenever I would hit a rough patch emotionally or mentally, a friend of mine would quip, “How’s that peace working out for you?” To be honest, it didn’t always appear to be working out very well at all on the surface. I was a wreck sometimes. I was an angry, hurt, sulking mess sometimes. But…BUT…I was always hopeful that the PEACE of One infinitely greater than I would sustain me and console me.
And it did.
I wasn’t lost. I didn’t give up. I didn’t miss out. PEACE was present, good times and bad.
This year, I have chosen STRENGTH. I’m seeing it as a goal on every level: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational… I will seek STRENGTH at every turn and in every space of my life. I know I will miss the mark. Hell, I’ve already screwed up and it’s just day one! But it’s not about me. It’s about One whose STRENGTH is infinite, whose LOVE is inexhaustible, whose PEACE is enduring, and who has already overcome my frailty.
I’ve posted this song on my blog before…but it bears repeating. Not because I see myself as some noteworthy composer…but simply because the words are true. Eternally and unequivocally true.
My heart may fail, my spirit’s weak…but JESUS remains the strength in me.
©2012 David Allan Cosand
Truly God is good to those whose heart is pure
But as for me, I’m broken
I have seen the mercy, I have tasted truth
But now I feel unwoven
And it’s not because of You
Or anything You haven’t done
You’ve gone beyond what I could hope for
And I know that there is nowhere
I could ever think to run
That could ever give me more
Take my bitter heart, my tattered pride
The crumbling faith I hold inside
My foolish doubt is nothing new
It falls away when I see You
My heart may fail, my spirit’s weak
But You remain the strength in me
Torn and tired, I’m carried through
Who do I have, O God, but You?